Hideodious
by ILoVeWicked
Summary: Galinda's art project is what one would call...unique. Some might even call it hideodious. Enjoy!
1. Chapter 1

Hideodious

**Disclaimer: I do not own Wicked.**

**Hey everyone! Now, I know a while back I promised a sequel to the Knocked Up parody I finished before, but I soon realized that there was no way I could make a half decent sequel to that story. This is a stab at my first Wicked two-shot (I would have made it a oneshot but it was way too long). So, again I'm sorry for not giving a sequel to my first Wicked fic, but I hope this can make up for it! Hope you enjoy! **

**-ILoVeWicked **

Galinda Upland let out a giddy giggle every thirty seconds as she guided her roommate to their dorm.

"Oh, Elphie," she exclaimed, "you are going to _love _this!" One of her perfectly manicured hands covered Elphaba's eyes, while the other gripped onto her arm to keep Elphaba from straying.

"Galinda," Elphaba began hesitantly as she reached out at the air in front of her. She didn't exactly feel safe with her eyes closed and Galinda guiding her. "I really don't see the point of you walking me across campus while your 'Super-Duper-Wonderfully-Amazifying Surprise' is in our dorm!"

Galinda giggled again. "Because, Elphie, it wouldn't be a 'Super-Duper-Wonderfully-Amazifying Surprise' if I didn't make you anticipate it! Now stop your whining! We're at the door!"

Elphaba could hear the Galinda fumbling for her key and she could hear the door open with a _click_. Galinda sighed with happiness as she quickly dropped the hand shielding Elphaba's eyes to her side.

"Ta-da!" she cheered. Elphaba's jaw dropped. The room still looked the same—luckily Galinda hadn't made any pink or frilly additions to anything Elphaba owned—but there was something new that stood in the center of the room.

"A rock?" Elphaba asked in confusion. "You're idea of an amazifying surprise is a giant rock?" Galinda howled with laughter. She had gotten used to Elphaba's ways of enthusiasm now that they were best friends.

"Not just a rock, Silly! I made this in art class today; can't you tell what it is?"

Elphaba examined the large gray stone and tried her hardest to find human qualities contained in it. She squinted and let out a sigh.

Making her best guess, Elphaba turned to Galinda and raised an eyebrow. "Is it…Doctor Dillamond?" Galinda gave her a small frown.

"No. It's a life-size sculpture of Fiyero!" Galinda announced. "I made it for our three month anniversary tonight." She let out a high pitched squeal that would have broken all of the windows in their dorm if she had gone a note higher. Elphaba winced and checked to see if her eardrums were still functioning as Galinda pranced over to her statue.

Peeking over one of the huge bulky shoulders, Galinda gave her friend a serious look of concern.

"Do you think he'll like it?" she asked. Elphaba eyed the statue's abnormally large nose on its tiny head, its scrawny legs, and it's huge torso. She couldn't help but feel sorry for the inanimate object.

"Um…yeah, Galinda, he'll love it," she lied. Galinda giggled and hopped down from the base of the statue which appeared to be melting Fiyero's feet onto its surface.

"Oh, goody!" she cheered, wrapping her arms around Elphaba and pulling her into a warm hug. "At first I wasn't sure if I really had artistic talent, but your input means so much to me! Oh, thank you, Elphie! Thank you times a bajillion!"

Elphaba bit her lip. Even though she knew Galinda still love such a horrid-looking statue even if she had stated her actual opinion, yet somehow she felt obligated to lie. She could tell that Galinda wanted to make her three month anniversary with Fiyero special.

Elphaba thought back to almost a year ago when she and Galinda used to loathe each other. Even if Elphaba still did resent her roommate somewhat for being just about perfect and having Fiyero for a boyfriend, she would never want to ruin Galinda's special occasion and make her miserable. And as everyone knew, when Galinda was miserable, the whole world had to be miserable with her.

Galinda finally stopped suffocating her emerald-colored friend, grabbing her purse along the way.

"Where are you going?" Elphaba inquired just as Galinda was about to slip out of the room. Galinda popped her head of a million curls back through the crack of the door.

She gave a Elphaba a grin and replied, "Oh! I was going to go out shopping for a new outfit for tonight. Can you watch over Fiyero for me?" Elphaba let out a small chuckle.

"You mean the statue? You want me to watch your statue while you shop?" Galinda swiped at the air and made a 'pfft' noise.

"Oh, please, Elphie! It's not like you've got any other prior engagements besides reading!" Elphaba shrugged and reached for her latest novel lying on her nightstand.

"You're right," Elphaba told her. "I'll stay here and baby-sit Fiyero." Galinda gave her a thumbs up.

"Great! Thanks, Elphie!"

**HIDEODIOUS**

Elphaba nearly dropped her book after being startled by the door opening just minutes after Galinda's departure.

Boq, Nessarose, and a live Fiyero emerged, all greeting Elphaba with a wave. Elphaba returned the gesture and set her book down on the bed beside her.

"How did you all get in here?" she asked. "Haven't you heard of knocking?" Fiyero reached in his pocket and pulled out a small brass key.

Jingling his new accessory, Fiyero responded, "I used my new key to your room. Galinda gave it to me for our two month anniversary."

"Well, I don't appreciate you all just intruding. What if I was just stepping out of the shower or getting changed when you all decided to stop by and say hello?" Fiyero simply smirked.

Boq was the first to notice Galinda's statue. "What in Oz name is _that_?" he outburst. Elphaba laughed.

"That," she said, eyeing Fiyero," is Galinda's life-sized sculpture of her beloved Fiyero." Fiyero wiped the smirk off his face and began studying Galinda's art project.

"This is supposed to be me?" he finally choked out. Boq made a noise that indicated he was holding back the urge to burst into laughter. Fiyero shot him daggers with his eyes and Nessarose wheeled forward.

"It's…well, what word would Galinda use to describe something so horrifying?" Elphaba began to list all of the insults she had ever heard Galinda used to describe Elphaba or an article of her clothing.

"Um…hideodious?" she answered after finding the perfect insult to explain the stone version of what was supposedly Fiyero. Nessa nodded.

"Yes, that's the right word. I'm sorry, Fiyero, but this statue is simply hideodious." Fiyero pointed to the statue's giant nose.

"Is this really what I look like?" he cried. "Am I really this overweight? Are by legs really that thin and bony? And tell me that's not really my nose!"

Elphaba stepped forward, just as concerned for the prince's mental state as she was about Galinda's feelings.

"No!" she assured him quickly, grabbing his hand to keep him from falling over. "You look nothing like that! You don't understand. This is Galinda's—which surprisingly got an 'A' by the way—and her gift to you." She looked up at Fiyero's shocked face and almost felt the burning sensation of their hands melting together as Fiyero's eyes softened. She couldn't help but smile, and he smiled in return.

Once he realized whose hand he was holding, Fiyero quickly let go of Elphaba and turned his attention back to Galinda's art, avoiding the hurt in Elphaba's eyes.

"I have to live with that thing staring at me all day?" he asked while gesturing toward the statue. Boq tightened his grip on the handle of Nessa's wheelchair.

"Hey, Fiyero, it's not that bad. Galinda did a way better job than I would have," he said, clearly defending Galinda. Fiyero narrowed his eyes.

"Then why don't _you _take the statue?" he asked in a low and warning voice. Nessa raised an eyebrow.

"Maybe I will," Boq hissed back. "At least I won't be hurting Galinda's feelings."

"Who says it will hurt Galinda's relationship with me if I tell her that this statue is hideous?" Fiyero asked.

"Hideodious," Nessa corrected.

"Whatever! You know what I mean!" Boq looked like a cheetah, slowly moving toward its prey until he could clamp his jaw down on it.

"Oh, sure. You obeying Galinda's every command and the two of you just straing at each other all day is the prime example of an open and honest relationship," he scoffed. "Seriously, do you ever talk? Or are you just too busy admiring each other's beauty to care about what the other thinks?"

"Are you calling me a bad boyfriend? Because if I'm not mistaken, Galinda is with _me_, oh jealous one," Fiyero taunted, causing Boq's face to turn beet red.

"I'm not calling you a bad boyfriend. Maybe _brainless_, but never bad." Fiyero gasped and clenched his fists.

"That," he said in a hurt, squeaky tone," is where I draw the line!" Elphaba's predictions were correct, for Fiyero and Boq had already removed their jackets and charged at each other. Nessa shielded her eyes.

Naturally, as Elphaba had expected, Fiyero had a weight and height advantage over Boq and gripped onto his wrists. Boq fought against Fiyero by flailing his legs everywhere and eventually kicking Fiyero in the legs. Fiyero howled in pain and as he toppled over, Boq pulled him into a headlock. Fiyero jerked his head upward and knocked Boq hard in the face.

Elphaba finally couldn't stand to watch any longer. She cautiously approached the pair. With a quick swipe of her hand, her magical ability caused gravity to push the two away from each other, leaving enough room for her to step in between them. Even when they were several feet away from each other, Boq and Fiyero continued to fight with the air. Elphaba placed one hand on each of their sweaty foreheads and nodded her head. The spell wore off and Elphaba let out a gasp of surprise as she learned just how strong her friends were.

"Okay!" she yelled, pushing against the two with all her might, "this needs to stop! Someone is really going to get hurt." Fiyero and Boq growled in response and only pushed harder.

Nessa finally removed her hand from her eyes to see that her sister had joined the fight.

Elphaba gritted her teeth as Boq and Fiyero grunted and glared at each other. "C'mon, you guys!" she pleaded. "You can't fight like this forever!"

"Yes we can!" they yelled back in unison. Elphaba rolled her eyes.

"Now, if you guys keep fighting against me like this, it's going to eventually push us back enough to bump into Galinda's…"

She was interrupted by the sound of three bodies knocking into a giant stone object. Nessa watched in horror as Galinda's life-sized statue of Fiyero fell to the hard floor and scattered into millions of pieces.

Everyone stared in mortification at what was now a pile of pebbles, too stunned to utter out a word. Nessa wheeled forward slowly and shook her head.

"Idiots," she stated. "You are all blubbering idiots."


	2. Chapter 2

Hey guys

**Hey guys! Well, I'm happy to see that I got at least one review and 91 views! That means I haven't lost my Wicked Fic writing touch! (I'm the type of person who gets all excited over one review…so thanks a bunch to Love That Wicked! You totally made my day!) Here's the second and last part to this story. Hope you enjoyed reading this story as much as I enjoyed writing it! Thanks again!**

**-ILoVeWicked**

"We broke it!" Elphaba whispered after a long period of silence. Fiyero gulped and nodded.

"So," Boq began slowly dragging out the word, still in a state of shock. "What do you all suppose we should do about it?"

Elphaba shrugged as the four began to loosen up. A cloud of guilt still hung above their heads. "Well, considering Galinda wants her night to be amazing and she has to find the most perfect outfit for the occasion, I'd say we have enough time to think of some way we can fix it."

"Or a good excuse as to why we broke it," Fiyero mumbled, kicking at the pile of what was now his girlfriend's statue. The group thought hard, each of them brainstorming ideas to the others occasionally. It was Nessa who finally snapped her fingers.

"I've got it!" she exclaimed. "We can hide the remainders of the statue…"

"And we'll get killed. Great plan, Nessa," Boq interrupted. Nessa rolled her eyes.

"I'm not finished!" she snapped. "I know what I'm talking about, and my plan doesn't end up with us getting killed!" Elphaba nodded and leaned inward, hoping that Nessa's plan would be able to work.

"So, as I was saying, after we get rid of the broken statue, we paint Fiyero gray and make him pose like the statue."

"I don't think I like where this is going," Fiyero muttered. "I don't look good in gray."

"Then Elphaba will talk to Galinda and reason her into believing that the statue will simply not interest Fiyero. She'll rush out to get Fiyero a better gift, and before she goes, Elphaba will explain that she'll dispose of the thing while Galinda is gone. We'll take the paint off of Fiyero and he'll be ready by the time Galinda gets back."

Fiyero, Elphaba, and Boq all stood with their mouths gaping open as Nessa allowed a smile to spread across her face.

"That's crazy!" Boq whispered.

"But it just might work," Elphaba said. "Nessa, you're a genius!" Fiyero nodded and clapped his hands together.

"Let's paint me gray!" he cheered, pumping his fists into the air. Elphaba then grabbed a broom and swept the remains of the statue into a trash bag and began hauling them towards her closet. Nessa raised an eyebrow.

"You're hiding them in your closet?" she asked as Elphaba stuffed the bag between two of her frocks.

"Hey, it's a place Galinda will never look," Elphaba replied with a shrug.

**HIDEODIOUS**

In the time it took Galinda to pick out yet another frilly pink dress and return back to her dormitory, Elphaba, Nessa, and Boq had bought a can of charcoal paint and drenched Fiyero in it.

Galinda burst through the door with eight different colored bags in various sizes. Elphaba jumped even though she had been expecting her friend. She glanced quickly at Fiyero who had his eyes shut and looked like a believable statue.

"Hey, Elphie!" Galinda greeted. She received a quick wave from Elphaba and looked at her statue. It had somehow gained more life-like qualities than she could remember.

"How was Fiyero while I was gone?" Elphaba wrung her hands nervously and looked at Fiyero, who had yet to flinch.

"He," Elphaba began, trying to calm her voice, "was great! He didn't even tip over or break or anything! He just stayed completely still, the whole time."

She winced, examining Galinda's face for any signs of suspicion. Instead, Galinda clapped her hands together and danced over to her dresser. She selected a silver comb from her assortment of hair accessories and began twirling it in her fingers.

"Oh good! If my statue broke I don't know _what _I'd do!" Elphaba gulped and glanced nervously again at the still Fiyero. Galinda noticed the way her friend was eyeing her art project. She cocked her head to one side as she ran the comb through her silky curls.

"Elphie, be completely honest with me. Do you really think Fiyero will like my gift?" she inquired. Elphaba bit her lip. She remembered the next part of the plan and took action.

"Honestly," Elphaba said, "Fiyero doesn't strike me as the kind of guy who would appreciate this as a gift. As beautiful as your statue is, my personal opinion is that a Fiyero's type would enjoy, say, some sports equipment as opposed to a statue of himself."

Galinda gave her statue another hard look and placed a hand on her chin.

"Hmm…I guess you do have a point. Fiyero has never been one with an artisticalistic interest." She snapped her fingers and yelped.

"What?" Elphaba asked. Her eyes kept darting to where Fiyero was standing, hoping Galinda hadn't figured out that it really was her boyfriend covered in paint standing in the center of the dorm.

"I only have two hours to get Fiyero a new gift and get ready!" Galinda squealed as she snatched her purse and began to head for the door. Elphaba let out a sigh of relief. So far, Nessa's plan had been working.

"Well, then hurry!" Elphaba urged. She could only imagine how uncomfortable Fiyero was. "I'll just get rid of this old statue for you." Galinda gave her a quick smile before re-applying her bright red lipstick.

"Oh, would you do that, Elphie?" I don't have much use for it, and I already got an 'A' on the project," she called over her shoulder as she gave Elphaba a quick flick of her wrist to pass as a wave. She quickly turned back to her door in a hurry.

Galinda was just about to turn the handle and leave the room when she heard a loud sneeze behind her. Galinda's eyes widened and she whirled around to face her roommate who was just as wide-eyed.

"Um…allergy season," Elphaba lied nervously. "Sorry, I just can't control my stupid nose." She let out a pitiful laugh as Galinda lowered her eyes.

"I don't recall your sneezes ever sounding so _masculine_, Elphaba," she said in a low voice. Elphaba didn't dare smile now. They both knew that this was not a cheery matter.

"Um…I have a cold. It makes my voice pretty hoarse," Elphaba lied again. She was about to open her mouth and make another excuse when Fiyero sneezed again.

"What the…?" was all Galinda could muster out.

Fiyero slowly opened one eyelid and gave the two ladies a small smile.

"Hi, Galinda," he greeted weakly, stepping down from his pedestal. Galinda was in awe. She didn't know whether to believe that her statue had come to life or if Fiyero was playing some late April Fool's joke.

"What is this?" Galinda cried after some time of stunned shocked.

"Galinda, we can explain!" Fiyero and Elphaba both shouted.

"What happened to my statue?"

"Fiyero bit his lip and spit out some of the gray paint that had gotten into his mouth. "We…um…broke it." Galinda gasped.

"but, Galinda, on the bright side, you don't have to worry about whether Fiyero would have liked your statue or not," Elphaba explained. "He almost cried when he saw it!"

"Why!?"

Fiyero cupped Galinda's hands in his own. "Galinda…you're statue…you like honesty, right?" Galinda nodded, anticipating a perfectly good reason as to why her statue was nowhere to be found.

"Your statue was hideodious," Elphaba blurted out. Galinda sniffled.

""You broke it because it was ugly? Now, I'm no Vincent van Goat, Elphie, but you all should know better than to just destroy someone's hard work…"

"Galinda, Boq and I were fighting over you. Elphaba tried to stop us—well, she was trying to prevent us from breaking your statue, which we ended up doing accidentally—but, the point is, we would never want to sabotage your work."

"Yeah," Elphaba chimed in, gesturing towards Fiyero, who was still completely gray. "Nessa came up with this idea so you wouldn't get hurt. We really feel awful. You see, even though that statue was probably the scariest thing in the world, it was truly the thought that counted."

Galinda smiled and swayed back and forth. She felt her anger dissolve as she noted the look of apology the two were giving her.

"So, you guys didn't break it just because it was ugly?" Fiyero shook his head and placed a kiss on her lips.

"Of course not. I would have loved the gift once I got past the appearance of the statue. Like Elphaba said, it's the thought that counts."

Galinda had to bite down on her lower lip to keep herself from squealing at the top of her lungs. "Aw! You guys are so sweet!" She wrapped her hands around her back and gave Fiyero a look of shame. "I'm sorry I don't have an anniversary gift for you."

Fiyero wrinkled his brow in confusion. "It was our anniversary today?" Galinda giggled and linked arms with her boyfriend as Elphaba propped her book back in her lap and rolled her eyes.

"At least let me treat you to dinner," Galinda insisted, swinging her purse in front of Fiyero's face like a pendulum.

Fiyero licked his lips and replied, "Alright." The two waltzed out the door. He had to admit, he was grateful that Galinda hadn't killed him and Elphaba for breaking that horrid statue.

Before they disappeared for the night, Galinda turned back to her roommate with a puzzled look on her face.

"Hey Elphie?" Elphaba looked up from her book and raised an eyebrow.

"Yes?"

"After you broke the statue, where did you guys hide all of the little broken pieces?"

Elphaba slowly got up from her bed and reluctantly opened her closet door to reveal the trash bag filled with the remains of Galinda's statue.

Elphaba bit her lip and quietly replied, "In here." Galinda's shoulders shook with laughter as she thought about her art project.

"It truly was a hideodious statue, wasn't it?" she asked her green roommate and her boyfriend.

"Yes, Galinda, it truly was," both Elphaba and Fiyero replied with smiles.


End file.
